I would write this to you, but we have been playing this game for far too long for me to stop now.
I never thought I would miss you; I thought I had been through this far too many times.
I thought I had learned something.

I never saw you as a friend; correction; I never trusted you as a friend.
I  told you a lot of shit, but it was all truth mixed with lies; I had to make it so.
You must understand, you can not be trusted.
Not by me, not from what you have showed me.

Sometimes I wish that you would still talk to me.
That you would write something, even though all you can say to me now days is mean.

I'd rather have you being harsh and only writing because you are bored, than have you not writing to me at all.
I listened to everything you said to me, everything you called me.
I know, and knew, it was all lies. All bullshit. All fuckedup things you tell people to see their reactions.
However, deep within, I wish some of it was true.
I wish you meant it when you told me I was irreplaceable.
I wish you meant it when you called me special.

Truth is, you were bored. Truth is, you are harsh.
I liked you. You were disguised by fake feelings and bold statements, and just like everyone else in this world I was drawn in by just that. By you.
I liked the fact that you talked to me out of boredom.
I liked the fact that you watched silly christmas shows with me, in the middle of the night.
I liked you. I really did. I really sincerely do.
And I really miss you.

The harsh reality of the matter is that; we might never speak to eachother again.
Out of pride.
Aren't we both disgusting creatures?
Aren't we both parasites?
Just in different ways.
We're both special and irreplaceable.

E. Sometimes I wish that you'd just leave me alone, and sometimes I wish you just wouldn't.
I know it doesn't make sense and it isn't supposed to. I just really love you but I will never tell you.
And you will never care.

P. I'm so fucking mad at you. I gave you everything I could and asked for you to fight for me,
but you gave me nothing.
Really, nothing.
You would say I saved you from depression and that I was awesome.
Then we fucked up, and this is all I get.
Fuck you.

D. You were like a brother to me. You were always there for me. Why did you stop?
Why did you leave me?
I always admired you. Where did you go? I'm so sorry.